Friday, January 12, 2007

Paula Abdul No Drugs..Pills Goood...Me High

Paula Abdul's people are saying the reason behind her actions in this video are because of "technical difficulties".

Riiiight. Because technical difficulties with sound equiptment make one slur, sway, talk out of the side of your mouth and clench your teeth. I'll have to remember that one. "Sorry officer, I was having techincal difficulties."

Thursday, October 26, 2006


From the David Letterman show :

I went to the spa recently in preparation for coming to your show. I got a full leg wax. You know, when you're getting a full leg wax, you get a bikini wax, too. I was right in the middle of it...well, the lady was in the middle of...doing it...and she stops and she looks at me and says, "This is a lovely area."

And I have to admit, I was taken aback. I mean, it IS a lovely area, I suppose, but no one has said that to me, really. So I said, "oh, it is?" and she said, "yes, it's just beautiful!"

And I'm like OH lord! So then I said, "wow, I guess, thank you very much..." and she said, "yes, the trees..the houses...the weather..."

Yeah, she was talking about Beverly Hills. For a minute or two I thought I had a new girlfriend.

~ Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Conan VS Walken : Battle of the Hair

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome to the first annual Late Night BATTLE OF THE HAIR!

In the gray blazer, wearing a 'Losing My Hair And Trying To Hide It' updo, we have the talented Christopher Walken. And in the blue blazer, with his 'It Started Out Ok But Turned Tragic' head-puff, we have talkshow host Conan O'Brien.

Let's get it on!!!

"Bring it, O'Brien." "Oh, I'm bringin' it, Walken."

I'm gonna take you down, pipsqueak!

Yeh, like I did to his momma last night! ZING!

Oh hells no!!

Bouncing Baby Billy Bob

When Billy Bob Thornton was 7 months old, he was already a pseudo-celebrity in his hometown. According to what he told David Letterman, he was The Fattest Baby in Clark County, Arkansas.

"I was put in the newspaper there, on the page where they usually have a turnip or a watermelon...I weighed 30 pounds...which is like a 3rd grader!"

Check out the cuteness that was Billy Bob.

I guess when he sold his soul to the devil (I mean, Angelina), he traded cuteness for creepiness.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Teri Hatcher Can't Get A Date

You know, when I wrote back in May on my other blog about Teri Hatcher having a strong vagina, I would have thought that her appearance on that Leno would get her all kinds of dates.

But, apparently not.

Teri is on The Tonight Show again - this time telling about how she hasn't had a date since January. She says that even when she does have a date, it's a bad one. The last blind date she was set up on, the guy was taken away by the FBI right before they were supposed to go out.

Her friend said, "the good news is that you didn't sleep with him." Implying much?

So, obviously, Miss Hatcher is easy AND has a stellar vagina? Why on Earth wouldn't anyone want to date her?

Wocka Wocka Wocka!

Ooooooh yeah. Nevermind.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Pappy Timberlake Tells A Story

Justin Timberlake is on The Tonight Show, talking about his small-town grandpa and the stories he used to tell. This one tickled me, so I thought I'd share (edited slightly by me to stop Timberlake's rambling and bad story-telling):

There's this dog who walks the same route everyday. Everyday, he crosses the same railroad tracks. Well, one day, the tip of his tail gets stuck in the tracks as he's crossing. Right about that time, he looks up and sees a train coming.

The dog says to himself, 'what am I going to do now?!' and he starts to panic. Instead of just trying to pull the tip of his tail out, he reaches back and tries to chew it all loose.

Well, the train runs over the dog and completely decapitates him.

When a little 10-year-old Justin nears crying, his grandpa says,

Now, you know what the moral of the story is? Don't ever lose your head over a little piece of tail.

A-thankyou. He'll be here all week.