Slip Up

The worst name mix-up I've heard in a long time. Fabulous!

Cuba Gooding, Jr. at the Superman premier :

When I was 12-years old, my father took me to the premier of Superman with Keanu...with uh....Christopher Reeve and it made me want to be an actor...

Errrrrrrrrrrrrr....

How ya gonna mix up some Keanu with some Christopher Reeve?! Dumbass.

What? Brad and Angelina AREN'T Gods??

Apparently, the dynamic duo's ego has wiped its feet all over its Namibian welcome mat. What?! People don't like when two people come there and disrupt their whole country? Whodathunk?

According to Life Style Extra, charity campaigners are saying the couple should be banned from the country. Ha!

A [Namibian National Society for Human Rights] spokesman said: "To shut down a national border so she can give birth in peace is a massive abuse of power."

The human rights campaigners claim Angelina and Brad "used heavy-handed and brutal tactics" to persuade the Namibian government to agree to their demands

Hoooooooooooo boy! And here's a press release talking about how thier banning of photographers even went so far to go against the nation's constitution.

Good job, Brangelina. Piss off a whole nation by thinking you're bigger than Jesus. Geez. I mean, come on...you're not freakin' Oprah.

Yo, Yo, Yo! Paris Hilton!

Paris Hilton is on David Letterman (well, she's on the show, not on the man) talking about her new album.

Really - is anyone out there excited about this? If you're as excited as me, right now you've knocked yourself out by falling asleep and hitting your head on the corner of your desk and you're lying on the floor drooling.

When Dave asked Paris what kind of music her album is, she responded "it's a mix of rock, hip hop, pop..." Oh. Riiiiight. Because when we think of gangsta hip hop, we think of Paris Hilton. She's street, fo' sho'.

The title of her single is "Stars Are Blind."

If they buy this album, let's just hope they're deaf as well.

SoaP Sunday!!

Happy SoaP Sunday, everyone. Do you already have the Snakes on a Plane tshirt? If so, go get the Snakes Flying A Plane one, too!

Go now!!



-----------------
Go to the movie's site.
Go to the movie on IMDB.
Go to the movie's blog.

No No No No No NO

Do I even have to say it?

Denise Richards engaged?

SNL is a re-run, so I thought I'd dish out some celeb gossip.


Recently, hotty Denise Richards was spotted with a big ol' ring on her left ring finger, sparking rumors that she's engaged. Now, we all know she's been unashamedly knocking boots with Richie Sambora, who, by the freaking way, is still married to Heather Locklear.

But, when I look at the pictures (and we all know how much of an expert I am with celeb pictures) I think it looks more like a dollar store mood ring. I dunno. Of course, it IS Richie Sambora - we're not talking a classy guy, here.

And, wait, what's that on her hand? An age spot? A cat scratch? No. Let the rumor start here - she's been banging a has-been rock star, so she's now got some kind of sore-causing disease.

Yeah. That'll teach that hubby-stealing whore.


(photo from TMZ.com)

All Smiles in Hollywood

With her big dimples and wide smile, Rosie Perez is one of the most cheerful storytellers around. She's excited and animated and talks a mile a minute.

And she did just that on Jay Leno - laughed and told hilarious stories.

First, she laughed and squealed about the history of Puerto Rico, how, when the Spaniards came into the country they murdered many of the natives there. Good times!

Then she giggled out the story of how she was so poor her mother cut up Slim Jims in rice so they could have meat...and guffawed about how the whole family had to eat Corn Flakes with a fork so they could save the milk for the next kid in line. What fun memories!

They were all like this. And she giggled her sweet voice all the way through 'em.

I guess no matter what's going on in your life when you live in Hollywood, you have to be all smiles. I mean just look at Katie's face - and she's being held hostage by aliens!



Tom : What have I told you about sneaking out of the basement?!?!

Katie : I'm sorry, Xenu, don't eat my brain!

I Can't Roll My Eyes Any Harder

Because if I did, they would fall right out of my skull.

The other night, I was watching tv and the news came on with an "important news break". Of all things, Oprah was in Tulsa busting up weddings, posing for pictures and giving the couples gifts.

Out of the kindness of her heart? Um, right. She's filming for an upcoming fall show - apparently one where she says "look at me, I'm Oprah, I'm as important as Jesus, but I have more money than his hippy ass."

I'm watching Inside Edition. Guess what Oprah gave to the happy couples in Tulsa, Oklahoma?

No, really. Guess.

A car?

A new house?

A paid honeymoon?

NO, silly!

A set of dishes with roosters on them worth $112. Ok. I understand that people here are pretty simple, but come the fuck on. She's Oprah. She just bought her fifth home in Hawaii. She gives away golden babies on her show everyday. And she's showing up at weddings and giving them gifts like this? Hi, that's probably how much the crappy gravy boat that the 3rd counsins gave them costs.

Add this to another reason I hate Oprah.

Because she was in Tulsa and I didn't get to smack her in the face.

Jump. And, oh yeah, yeehaw.

I refused to watch Jay Leno tonight because they were featuring the tards from Blue Collar Comedy...and I don't do Blue Collar Comedy.

I did tune in at the end and David Lee Roth was the musical guest, singing the oldie but goodie, Jump. You know the one "hey you! who said that? baby how you beeeeen?" Yeah. That one.

Thing is? He was singing it with a hillbilly band doing the music. It was like a hoedown. But worse. They had a banjo, a slide guitar thing, a fiddle, and a mandolin.

It was terrifying. And I couldn't stop watching. He even did the rock-n-roll cat-call "OOOOWWW!" yells. To the plinky plunky redneck music.

Might as well jump (jump!) off a cliff after seeing that. Aaarrrrrrgh!

Love Hate

As much as I can't stand hearing about the couple and couldn't give a rat's patoot about their baby, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have given me a pleasant surprise.

The couple made an announcement today that they will be selling pictures of their baby, Shiloh, and giving the proceeds to a charity supporting newborns in suffering countries.

It's actually pretty cool. In a I still can't stand you people sort of way.

SoaP Sunday!

Samuel L. Jackson wore a SoaP tshirt to the MTV Movie Awards last night. Brilliant! That makes me want one even more.

Looky what I found :



They have stickers, magnets and other junk. Go see!

-------------------------
Go to the movie's site.
Go to the movie on IMDB.
Go to the movie's blog.

Here Ya Go, Geezers

Conan O'Brien is a re-run, but I hadn't seen it. Charlize Theron is on the show and talking about how she likes older men. And, actually, her exact words were:

I'm not like normal girls that have, like, crushes on young guys. If they're hunched over and old, those are the ones I have crushes on.

She says the older gents are "real men." What is it lately with the youngsters falling for the geezers? Is this yet another sign I need to get me a sugar (grand)daddy?

So, there ya go, my older readers. You might still have a chance to get a woman who has all her own teeth. And if you find one who has even a quarter of her hotness? Well, you've simply got it MADE, brotha.

Those Legs!

Remember the outfit I was talking about here?

Well, here ya go. The legs that made Letterman drool on his tie.

Walking The Dog

Can you point out the skanky dog in this picture? I'll give you 2 guesses.





(Hint : her name rhymes with pariah and she's wearing a slutty yellow dress)

I'm Being Cheated On. Again.

Ok, so I know I've recently claimed both John Corbett and Hugh Jackman, but let's face it - I'm a whore.

With that said, let me state for the record : Natalie Portman is MINE.

The newest rumor is that she and Jake Gyllenhaal are dating. He bought her tulips, for pete's sake. Why you gotta buy my girl tulips?! Grrrrr. Some people have all the nerve.

Stay away from my girl, Darko.

Unless, of course, you wanna come over with her. I'm just saying.


Source : The Superficial

Crazy Cruise

Even though most of their talk was about baby Suri, Tom Cruise still showed us he was crazy. Nothing outrageous like eating the placenta or admitting that there's an alien living in this brain, but still. Downright, too-big-a-smile, too-shifty-in-the-eyes crazy.

And they did have a couple of exchanges that I'm CERTAIN the network will be sued for by the Church of Scientology and Dave Letterman will be murdered for. One is:

Tom Cruise : She's now 7 pounds 10 ounces. That's important - these ounces, ya know. You're now at the stage where you're measuring...everything...if you know what I mean.

He barely kept his composure with that one. I sure didn't. I was hooting at the tv like a 13-year-old boy.

An even better one:

Letterman : As a famous movie star, you must have an enormous staff. Do you have an enormous staff?

Tom Cruise : HUGE.

They laughed. Now that I look back, I wonder if they were laughing at the same thing I was? Probably not.

Oh crap. Ya know, if I disappear in the next few days - check Tom Cruise's backyard. I may be buried there.

Just Wondering

What's the deal with Robin Williams continuing to attempt making thrillers?

One Hour Photo? Crap.

The Final Cut? Crap crap.

And now The Night Listener? Crappity crap crappo crap.

Stick to stuff like Death To Smoochy. Now THAT was brilliant work!

Oopsy

I know I skipped out on you folks last night - sorry! I went dancing and forgot to record all my shows. So, to make up for it, I'll offer a little celeb gossip.

Adrienne Curry (winner of America's Next Top Model) and Christopher Knight ('Peter' on The Brady Bunch), stars of My Fair Brady, tied the knot this Monday, making yet another match that will last as long as their reality shows did. A whole season...and then maybe a couple of years of mind-numbing syndication until everyone wants to gouge their eyes out with plastic Brady Bunch dolls.

Congrats to the happy couple. Just, please, don't make any reality shows about it. Watching this marriage play out would be like rehashing my drunk uncle's short-lived hooplah with that anorexic hooker.