Conan VS Walken : Battle of the Hair

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome to the first annual Late Night BATTLE OF THE HAIR!

In the gray blazer, wearing a 'Losing My Hair And Trying To Hide It' updo, we have the talented Christopher Walken. And in the blue blazer, with his 'It Started Out Ok But Turned Tragic' head-puff, we have talkshow host Conan O'Brien.

Let's get it on!!!

"Bring it, O'Brien." "Oh, I'm bringin' it, Walken."


I'm gonna take you down, pipsqueak!

Yeh, like I did to his momma last night! ZING!

Oh hells no!!

Bouncing Baby Billy Bob

When Billy Bob Thornton was 7 months old, he was already a pseudo-celebrity in his hometown. According to what he told David Letterman, he was The Fattest Baby in Clark County, Arkansas.

"I was put in the newspaper there, on the page where they usually have a turnip or a watermelon...I weighed 30 pounds...which is like a 3rd grader!"

Check out the cuteness that was Billy Bob.




I guess when he sold his soul to the devil (I mean, Angelina), he traded cuteness for creepiness.

Teri Hatcher Can't Get A Date

You know, when I wrote back in May on my other blog about Teri Hatcher having a strong vagina, I would have thought that her appearance on that Leno would get her all kinds of dates.

But, apparently not.

Teri is on The Tonight Show again - this time telling about how she hasn't had a date since January. She says that even when she does have a date, it's a bad one. The last blind date she was set up on, the guy was taken away by the FBI right before they were supposed to go out.

Her friend said, "the good news is that you didn't sleep with him." Implying much?

So, obviously, Miss Hatcher is easy AND has a stellar vagina? Why on Earth wouldn't anyone want to date her?


Wocka Wocka Wocka!

Ooooooh yeah. Nevermind.

Pappy Timberlake Tells A Story

Justin Timberlake is on The Tonight Show, talking about his small-town grandpa and the stories he used to tell. This one tickled me, so I thought I'd share (edited slightly by me to stop Timberlake's rambling and bad story-telling):

There's this dog who walks the same route everyday. Everyday, he crosses the same railroad tracks. Well, one day, the tip of his tail gets stuck in the tracks as he's crossing. Right about that time, he looks up and sees a train coming.

The dog says to himself, 'what am I going to do now?!' and he starts to panic. Instead of just trying to pull the tip of his tail out, he reaches back and tries to chew it all loose.

Well, the train runs over the dog and completely decapitates him.

When a little 10-year-old Justin nears crying, his grandpa says,

Now, you know what the moral of the story is? Don't ever lose your head over a little piece of tail.

A-thankyou. He'll be here all week.

Gisele Bundchen Makes Up With Conan

As if Conan O'Brien wasn't weird enough looking.

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen is on Late Night promoting a new make-up line to be carried at Victoria's Secret. The line is called 'Very Sexy', and they wanted to try it out.

Who better to try on make-up? A hotty supermodel?

No, silly. The 8-foot-tall redheaded man.





Such a pretty girl!



"Ohhhh, Labamba!!"






Yeah. I'm not going to sleep peacefully for awhile.

Matthew Perry : Something's Missing

Matthew Perry, who played Chandler Bing (BING!), is on Jay Leno.

They were talking about Perry's new show, how much sleep Perry has been lacking, and...um...some other stuff. But, you know what? I couldn't pay attention because I noticed something a bit...odd.

Look at this photo and tell me if you see anything amiss.



No? You're just noticing the goofy smile? Fine...I'll show you a close-up.



YESSSSSSSS!! The finger!!

I have a thing with looking at celeb's hands (don't ask) and just...NOTICED...it.

I wonder what happened? I guess I could google it, but I'm lazy. I just like saying "ewwwwwwwww! No fingerrrrrrrrrrrnail!"

So there ya go. Matthew Perry is missing the tip of his middle finger.

And here's another view so you can say "ack!" too.

Zach Braff Is A Big Fat Liar

Ok, I might exaggerate a little and embellish stories for the sake of storytelling...but this guy is so totally full of it!

Zach was on Conan O'Brien talking about his appearance on the show Punk'd, where Ashton Kutcher plays horrible pranks on his celebrity buddies. In Zach's Punk'd, it's staged to where kids spray paint his brand new Porche.

On Conan, Zach tells of how he caught the kid and started punching him in the stomach over and over and over. The way Zach tells it, it was too dark to see the kid, so he didn't know how young he was until after he beat him up. He also says they didn't show that part on Punk'd because it made him look bad.


and I punched him just like THIS!


However, in the video (seen here on YouTube), it's quite clear 1) he knows what the kid looks like because he talked to him before the incident, 2) he doesn't catch the kid, an extra does, and oh yeah 3) HE'S A LYING FOOOOOL!

See? That explains why he couldn't decide between a herniated disc and a ruptured disc. I bet he just has a sore muscle or something. And I'm also beginning to think one of his legs isn't shorter than the other.

And here he made me feel sorry for him.

Come here to me, Zach. It's spanking time.

Sexyback

Justin Timberlake did his very first interview on David Letterman. I don't think he'll ever forget it, either.

Dave wasn't letting up. He asked him questions about dating Cameron Diaz (who Justin apparently said he didn't want to talk about), about smoking pot in Amsterdam during a magazine interview, and about, uber old news, the Janet Jackson/Superbowl incident.

I don't think Justin got rid of his embarrassment the entire interview. I could have captured a thousand pictures just like these. It was fun to watch him squirm. And he's just too adorable.

(I think my crush list has officially gone overboard...)

Martha Stewart Sucks...Blood

Oh, how many ways can I make this a dirty, dirty post?

Yeah, too many...so I'll just stick with how it really went.

Martha Stewart was do-gooding on David Letterman, telling the world how to fix a healthy snack for school kids. While being a goofball like he normally is, Letterman cut his finger with a star-shaped cookie cutter.

Ouch.



Being the good ol' gal she is, Martha took first aid matters into her own hands. Um...I mean...into her own mouth.



Ew.

And also... *gigglesnort*

My sweet internets, I don't think I need to say any more. I'll let you take it from here.

Anna Nicole Loses Son; Gains Daughter

I, of course, have nothing humorous to say about this, but I wanted to post it here anyway. Such a horrible turn of events for Anna Nicole Smith.

Anna Nicole gave birth to her daughter last Thursday (September 7). Her son came to the Bahamas to help celebrate the birth and he apparently died yesterday morning (September 10). Cause of death is unknown, or at least unreleased, but they're saying it didn't have anything to do with drugs or alcohol.

Poor lady. Bittersweet week, indeed.

Perfect Genes

You thought Brad and Angelina were a hot couple? I just found out these two were dating. Lord a'mercy, talk about Heaven on a platter.

Rosario Dawson (Sin City, Rent) and Jason Lewis (Sex & the City).

Hell, even I'D have their babies.

Lindsay Lohan and the Fabulous Father

Inside Edition did an interview with Michael Lohan, the redheaded hoochie coochie's proud papa. He's currently serving a 4-year prison term for assault & DUI.

Since his daughter is a whor...I mean...celebrity, they are keeping him in protective custody. What's that mean? Well, other than not getting the shtick in the booty, Michael is being housed with the pedophiles.

Guess what?

No really...guess.

Oooh yeah, all the pedophiles have pictures of Lindsay (who doesn't really LOOK 20, does she?) hanging in their cells!

And poor Daddy has to see this. Can you imagine how much that SUUUCKS? "Dude, stop wanking off to that poster - that's my daughter!"

*snort*

It's good to be on the outside, yo.